


It happens sometimes

by Connibvallejos



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Childhood Trauma, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Introspection, I’m not sure of what I wrote I just did it, Mentions of Death, Post-Tartarus (Percy Jackson), Post-The Blood of Olympus (Heroes of Olympus), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, there’s also nice parts but they’re by the end sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27593873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Connibvallejos/pseuds/Connibvallejos
Summary: Percy was having a bad day and there was nothing he felt like he could do about it.
Relationships: Annabeth Chase & Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson & Grover Underwood
Comments: 1
Kudos: 69





	It happens sometimes

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags before reading! There’s nothing done explicitly, but there’s a lot said here. There’s mentions of self harm, and there are parts where he talks about death and stuff so beware!!
> 
> Also, I’m not a native English speaker so feel free to correct me if you notice something wrong

It happens sometimes.

He didn’t want it to happen, but they just came, and if they knocked before coming in, he never put enough attention to it. Now Percy was having a bad day and there was nothing he felt like he could do about it. Again, shit like this just happens sometimes.

It was summer and he was at camp half-blood. He had been awake for a while now. He woke up from a nightmare to a dark sky and silence around him, and he just couldn’t go back to sleep again. He didn’t want to, really. Now the light of the day was leaking in and he could hear other campers outside his cabin, but both these things just annoyed him. It’s not like he wanted to stay in bed, but he didn’t want to get up.

He knew he had gone through a lot, even for a demigod, and most days it was fairly easy to get through his day, but now that he was where he supposedly belonged he couldn’t feel like it. If he wasn’t so jaded, Percy would find the irony funny. He couldn’t quite remember what the nightmare was about, but ever after waking up memories have been appearing in his mind. The catch: they weren’t only about the demigod-related stuff. They were about Gabe, and his mother trying to hide her hurt, himself trying to hide bruises and truths from her, so she wouldn't worry. They were about being away, the feeling of isolation still fresh, the knowledge that he’s not enough and he never would be. People don’t deserve to be around him, and he doesn’t deserve being less lonely. He shouldn’t bother, everyone used to say.

He was aware it was his mind playing games, he knew he was overreacting over nothing, but knowing it in an intellectual level wouldn’t make him feel better, it never did. He was helpless. He was feeling so so guilty, and he wasn’t quite sure if he had the authority to try and make himself believe he wasn’t.

This kind of stuff happens from time to time, he shouldn’t let it hold him down. It was so easy though, to stay on the bed. Right now getting up seemed holding-the-sky kind of difficult. Not like he was enjoying it- he wasn’t. The thing that kept him down was the thought of getting up and the hunch that no one wanted him near. Fair enough. The noise from outside sounded pretty cheerful without him, he didn’t want to ruin it. Still, it made him so empty and heavy at the same time to be alone. Deep down (and on the surface too) he wanted Annabeth to realize he wasn’t there and come find him discreetly, or for Grover to feel a little of his pain and come tell him they were still friends. They had an empathy link after all, and last they talked Grover said he was coming to CHB soon. Percy just wasn’t going to ask for help, he really really didn’t think he could.

It wasn’t only what had happened to him, but what he had done too. He had done so much to protect, maybe too much. Somehow, Percy thought, he was too little and too much at the same time. He hated himself so much, and a certain days (like today), he wanted to hit himself or sink his nails in his arm or- something every time he remembered anything he had done. Not like anybody would notice the marks between the scars he already had, and the bruises had an easy explanation, being a demigod and all that. Percy was just too much; too annoying, too restless, too sharp, too cruel. He liked to ignore it, but he knew what he had done. Percy knew he was no angel, but he didn’t think he could take the truth. How much damage can you do saying it’s for survival before it’s just cruelty, before you’re a monster yourself?

The sounds coming from outside grew every minute, and it made Percy miserable. He rolled over pulling the duvet over his head hoping it would dull every noise. Might be a bit selfish, but he didn’t want the reminder of what he couldn’t have.

He should’ve known today was gonna be like this. He had been okay for too long, and now everything that had piled up was crushing down on him. Now he was remembering things he didn’t want to recall, thinking things he didn’t want to mull over, and feeling guilty for stupid stuff just as much as serious stuff. The curse of being alive, the curse of being him. For all he knew everybody was just too nice or too afraid of him to tell him what they really thought of him. He had done so much wrong throughout his life he didn’t think he deserved redemption either. What was so different between monsters and demigods or humans? Maybe when he died he would wake up on Tartarus as another monster. At this point it wouldn’t surprise him. Having been harmed wasn’t a valid excuse to harm others, and he wasn’t sure he was worthy enough to torture and manipulate others in order to protect himself, or even the people he cared for. Were they really good, if he loved them? Wasn’t everything he liked bad by association? Yet he was alive. If he wasn’t enjoying it, then what was the point? He should’ve been killed already, why was it that he kept trying to stay alive?

He liked being alive though, when shit wasn’t like this. Everything was worth it, once he was too distracted to think about deserving it or not. He was loved, and he liked being loved. It was hard though. Sometimes he felt like a scam, like he had the obligation of warning everyone around him and, by not doing it, he was amplifying his sins. He was no god. He had powers, but he was mortal. Not that everything gods did was good or that they had the right to do wrong, not at all. Percy just had even less authority. He could die, and people remembering him wouldn’t save him like it saved the gods. That would only prove that he could only do harm. He could drown too: prove that he wasn’t immune to himself either. Gabe was right, he was no good.

Percy stilled when he hard a knock on the door, then relaxed when he heard Annabeth’s voice. “Percy? Are you there?”

He was. Percy was there, in his cabin, still bundled up in his bed. He didn’t want to talk though.

There was a moment of silence before Percy let out a growl loud enough to let her know he was inside. She came in then. She wasn’t surprised of the state he was in, but Percy could tell she wasn’t expecting it either. She went and sat in the bed next to him.

“Do you want me to stay here?”

He didn’t think he was good for her. He has seen the look on her face, that terrified expression. Percy still couldn’t quite point out wether it was fear for him or the goddess.

“Do you want me to go?”

Percy didn’t. Of course he didn’t want to harm her, but he also trusted Annabeth to stand her ground. Most of all, he didn’t want her to go away, but he didn’t think he could ask that from her. Maybe his expression gave him up, because Annabeth lied down next to him and ran her fingers through his hair just as softly as her demeanor. Percy rejoiced on it. They stayed like that for a while, and Percy could feel how the pressure of his chest took off.

“Grover sent an iris message. He told me he’ll be here by noon and to say hi to you.”

Percy took in the information. It was so little yet it meant so much. He was thankful for it.

After a while more, Annabeth finally spoke again. “Will you get up?”

“I think I should”

So Annabeth started helping him. Percy immediately missed her body next to him when she got up from the bed, but she was back with his clothes and to help him sit up. It still surprised him that they had this kind of intimacy, two people who learned to tough up the hard way, letting themselves be vulnerable with each other. Percy helped her when she had bad days. They understood each other, when the memories were just too much and they were starting to fear themselves just as much as the monsters. When they started to be a threat to themselves more capable to hurt them than the monsters, they held each other and made sure to protect the other. That’s what they were doing now.

If anybody saw them get out of the cabin together, no one said anything.

Percy and Annabeth walked hand in hand, first towards some food and then to the beach. They laid in the sand for the rest of the morning and skipped lunch with the others. Neither of them said anything, but both knew it would be pushing it. And so they spent their time between silences and warmth, and then Annabeth started rambling about the new thing she was learning and the latest project she was planning. Percy started feeling more present a bit after Grover arrived. At some point he started talking about this new trick he wanted to learn in his skateboard or that new recipe his mom was trying. He wasn’t really feeling light, the knot in his chest never faded completely and memories still made their way in from time to time, but he wasn’t as heavy anymore and the reassurance of his friends beside him made it better.

Later, when the sun was down, Percy realized that the day could’ve been much worse. He was certain there would be a lot more to come, but he also knew his friends would stand with him.


End file.
